I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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