I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
