I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
