my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
