i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
