I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
