Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
