i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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