Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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