My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
