I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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