i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
