I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
