the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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