her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
