I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
