Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I deserve this hangover.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
