if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
