Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
