The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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