YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
