hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
