He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.