True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment