question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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