Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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