at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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