I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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