get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
