Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
