i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I had to cum in my sink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
