we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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