I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
