Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
