Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
