My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
