instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
