We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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