JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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