So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
