Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
