Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
