i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
