Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
