This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you made out with another girl for some wings
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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