Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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