Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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