I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
