Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
