That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
