Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
