Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
