I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
