tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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