I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
