Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
