OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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