We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
