college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
