If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
