I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So much rum. So many feels.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
