TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
