After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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