well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
