I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Welp...herpes.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
