She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
