Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
